Cover

Date read: 10/12/2017

Summary
Tara Brach explores how Buddhist teachings can transform the fear and shame that are pervasive in Western society, and to accept ourselves and others as we are using meditation, mindfulness and compassion.

Structure
The book follows a loosely four part structure (split into 12 chapters):

  1. The trance
  2. Mindfulness of the body
  3. Compassion
  4. Recognising our true nature

Quotes

“Our culture, with its emphasis on self-reliance and independence - qualities deemed especially important for men - had reinforced this message.” - p14

“We are accepting the immediate mental and sensory experiences we interpret as the self.” - p41

“The more we fear failure the more frenetic our minds and bodies work.” - p50

“The cure for the pain is in the pain.” - p117

“Most of us rely on work to help us make up for fears of unworthiness.” - p138

“Suddenly it became clear that all my desires and thoughts and feelings are an endless, changing parade.” - p146

“Thoughts are not the truth.” - p173

“Typing others makes the real human invisible to our eyes and closes our heart.” - p228

“If we feel hatred toward anyone, we remain chained to the sufferings of the past and cannot find genuine peace.” - p262

“We forget that every person, including ourselves, is new every moment.” - p265

Key Takeaways

The Trance of Unworthiness
In Western society we are always striving to prove ourselves, to get ahead and stand out, someone is always keeping score. This attitude is a breeding ground for self-hatred, a term which the Dalai Lama could not comprehend upon hearing.

Strategies to deal with feeling inadequate

  • Embarking on one self improvement project after another
  • Holding back and playing safe rather than risking failure
  • Withdrawing from experience of the present moment
  • Keeping busy
  • Becoming our own worse critics
  • Focusing on other peoples faults

The self
What is the self? The Buddha says that “all suffering or dissatisfaction arises from a mistaken understanding that we are a separate and distinct self.” We experience this sense of self by ‘I-ing’ and ‘My-ing’ everything. This means that ‘something is wrong’ can very easily become ‘something is wrong with me’.

Pausing
Stop and notice your inner experience. We’re always asking ourselves ‘what do I do next?’ Just do nothing and be present. This pause can be done anywhere, even in arguments.

“I see you, Mara”
In Buddhism, Mara is a demon that is “the personification of the forces antagonistic to enlightenment.” Upon seeing Mara, the Buddha would invite her for tea, sit with her for a while, and she would leave him undisturbed. When Mara vists us in the form of troubling emotions, we can say, “I see you, Mara,” and recognise those emotions and how the body feels. Don’t ignore or bury negative emotions.

A tiny bud of a smile on your lips
This idea comes from Thich Nhat Hanh, “A tiny bud of a smile on your lips, nourishes awareness and calms you miraculously.” Try it!

Coming home to your body
Are you completely aware of your body? Are you filling it? Can you feel your finger tips and your toes? Experience the present moment by being fully aware of what is going on in your body.

Fear and pain
When we’re scared or in pain we tell ourselves stories, weaving a narrative around why we feel a certain way. This distracts from simply experiencing the sensations as they are.

Desire and suffering
Everyone wants to be happy, nobody wants to suffer. However, the Buddha said that existence is inherently dissatisfying, because everything in life is constantly changing. This lack of permanent satisfaction causes unhappiness because we constantly desire the next thing that will satisfy us, leaning into the next moment and not simply being with the present.

Taking refuge
There are three fundamental refuges in Buddhism: the Buddha (our awakened nature), the dharma (the path or the way) and the sangha (the community of spiritual aspirants.) We can find safety and peace in these refuges.

Leaning into fear
Let go into fear, instead of resisting it. Fear is a fundamental part of life, leaning in can help us “become aware and free in the midst of our experience”.

Typing others
Typecasting others based on parts of their look or personality is toxic. That person is a human being just like you, they suffer just like you. Be compassionate.

Forgive yourself
Recognise when you’re judging or disliking yourself and bring compassion to the pain you’re feeling. Let go of the blame and forgive yourself.

Who are you really?
Everyone is renewing in every moment. Who you are isn’t a fixed state it is constantly in flux. Just because you’ve done things in the past and want to do things in the future doesn’t mean you are defined by that. Don’t become a part of the narrative.

Seeing beyond the net of desires
Our attention is always fixated on something, our reality is the thoughts and dramas we see in our mental movies. In pure awareness you can let go of this and “see the universe as it is.”